"What are you doing for July 4th?" "Oh, just a quick pump and run."

Not too long ago, I found myself saying something similar to my mother. The last time I'd used the words "pump" and "run" in the same sentence, I was probably talking about the practice of the ol' "gas n' go," whereby you a) fill your vehicle with gasoline and then b) without paying, peel out of the parking lot howling with laughter while taking off your fake Burt Reynolds moustache. At least I hope that's what I was talking about.

However, this time, I was talking about the Missouri River Runners Pump n Run, a 5k of a slightly different variety, held near North Sioux City, South Dakota, just across the Nebraska border. You see, before you lace up your fancy tennis shoes and stretch out your hammies, you're placed on a scale, weighed, and then your body weight is racked onto a barbell that you must benchpress over and over until your triceps are as useless as man nipples. But here's the kicker--for every rep you achieve, you're allowed to subtract a full minute off your 5k time. How's that for a unique duathlon idea? Incredibly, some of last year's contestants ended up with a negative run time.

The lifting takes place on July 2nd and 3rd, from 10am to 6pm, and the race is July 4th at 8am. Although I probably won't be wearing my stars and stripes hot pants (this is a family event, after all), you will be able to recognize me because I'll be the guy with the low bench press reps...and the horrible 5k time.