"What are you doing for July 4th?" "Oh, just a quick pump and run."

Not too long ago, I found myself saying something similar to my mother. The last time I'd used the words "pump" and "run" in the same sentence, I was probably talking about the practice of the ol' "gas n' go," whereby you a) fill your vehicle with gasoline and then b) without paying, peel out of the parking lot howling with laughter while taking off your fake Burt Reynolds moustache. At least I hope that's what I was talking about.

However, this time, I was talking about the Missouri River Runners Pump n Run, a 5k of a slightly different variety, held near North Sioux City, South Dakota, just across the Nebraska border. You see, before you lace up your fancy tennis shoes and stretch out your hammies, you're placed on a scale, weighed, and then your body weight is racked onto a barbell that you must benchpress over and over until your triceps are as useless as man nipples. But here's the kicker--for every rep you achieve, you're allowed to subtract a full minute off your 5k time. How's that for a unique duathlon idea? Incredibly, some of last year's contestants ended up with a negative run time.

The lifting takes place on July 2nd and 3rd, from 10am to 6pm, and the race is July 4th at 8am. Although I probably won't be wearing my stars and stripes hot pants (this is a family event, after all), you will be able to recognize me because I'll be the guy with the low bench press reps...and the horrible 5k time.

Nebraska weekend getaway #113 -- hiking and biking at Ponca State Park

Perched amidst the Missouri River's rolling bluffs in northeastern Nebraska, Ponca State Park is a close (drive time: less than 2 hours from Omaha) weekend getaway for many eastern Nebraskans and western Iowans. After you've unpacked the kids and pitched your tent at one of its 87 campsites (or thrown your Samsonite luggage into one of the 14 two-bedroom fully furnished, air-conditioned cabins), Ponca, via its steep and underutilized trails, serves up some of the best hiking and mountain biking in the state.



Start the day off with Ponca's most strenuous hike: 500-some vertical feet up a heavily wooded bluff to a lookout where you'll be rewarded with views of both South Dakota and Iowa, as well as a look at the Missouri River as Lewis and Clark would've seen it over 200 years ago (thanks to the 1978 Scenic River Act).








After a lunch back at camp, trek over to Ponca's ice-cold pool, open from 1:00-6:00pm daily, where you're guaranteed to be refreshed. In the afternoon or evening, hike over to the Old Oak Tree, a 320-year-old behemoth at the park's center or go fishing for catfish (late June is the best time of year).

The next day, continue exploring the park's backcountry by foot or bike, or go for a guided horseback trail ride, which run from Memorial Day through Labor Day. Golfers can test their mettle at the 9-hole Highland Oaks Public Golf Course, which is at the southern end of the park. In the afternoon, take a short bike ride into the town of Ponca via a paved trail or, if you've brought a boat, put in or take out at the boat ramp, located at the park's north addition.

If you're driving back via Highway 20, make sure you stop at the Sweet Tooth Drive-In (which is not actually a drive-in), in Jackson, Nebraska, which advertises the best malts on Highway 20.



Or, for the more environmentally aware, enjoy a cone.



Further information regard Ponca State Park and its many adventures can be found at the Nebraska Game and Parks Commission website.

Off-road racing, Nebraska style

The Xterra race series, the country's premier (or at least most visible) series of off-road races, is making its inaugural appearance in Nebraska on Saturday, August 15th, giving Midwestern, dirt-loving masochists just 7 weeks to train.

The Xterra B.O.L.T. (Branched Oak Lake Triathlon...or, if you prefer, Barf On Legs, Tires...or Bring On Lunch Time!), an off-road triathlon scheduled to be held at Branched Oak State Park, features a 1km swim (broken into 2 500m laps), a 21k mountain bike, and an 8k trail run. (You can read trail reviews and get directions to the park here.)

Although the solo entry fee is a bit pricey ($75), chip timing will be used for splits, and the race promotors are going to give away a whole bunch of schwag. In short, the whole thing should be a lot of fun. If you don't barf on your tires.

Also, for all of you Nebraskans who can't afford to fly to Darfur but are interested in witnessing human suffering, volunteer opportunities abound.

Calling all athletes of the "amateur" and "Nebraska" variety...

...your time to shine has arrived. If you've ever dreamed of impressing that cute blonde in your Food Science class with your gold medal in ping pong, or if your résumé has a blank spot reserved in the Other Activities section for "second-best horseshoe pitcher in the state of Nebraska in 2009"...or if the only way to earn your father's love is by competing in a sport known as "Shooting - Cowboy Action" (insert one of 7,000 possible jokes here), then folks, you'd better get crackin', because the deadline for registering for 2009's Cornhusker State Games is nearly nigh. And by "nearly nigh," I mean two days away.

But don't worry, there's still plenty of time to train for your respective sport or pull a team together. (Note to self: Start actively befriending people interested in competing in tug-of-war next year.) The opening ceremonies (along with Sportfest, the pre-opening ceremonies, which is free for registered athletes) begin Friday, July 17th, and competition runs from the 17th through the 26th.

Running scared...of further injury

For the past couple days, my coworker Ryan and I have been complaining about running injuries. Somehow, independently of one another, both of us managed to strain a calf muscle during jogs that should've ended sooner rather than later. And now, with our slight limps and tender lower appendages, we're paying the price.

According to the Omaha running club's website, next Wednesday, June 24th, the Nebraska Orthopaedic Hospital will be conducting free running injury evaluations at West Omaha's sporting goods superstore Scheels (17202 Davenport Street). Simply bring your injured body part (which is hopefully still attached to your body), wash your weird feet (and wear clean socks), and hobble your broken self into the store for a free consultation. And after your evaluation, you can purchase a new pair of kicks (which you may not use for a while, depending on the severity of your injury) for 10% off. How sweet it is!

RAGBRAI Council Bluffs needs volunteers!

Although it's too late to register for the Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa (RAGBRAI), those of you in the Omaha area with a volunteering spirit, an irresistible attraction to bicycles, and nothing to do on July 17th, 18th, or 19th can still help out.

Check out the Council Bluffs RAGBRAI page for more information about volunteering. The nation's best-known bicycle tour is still in need of people to assist with hospitality (sell t-shirts, greet riders), information (hand out maps), campgrounds (take money, stamp hands), and leg massage¹ (quads first, then the calves, please).

Footnote 1: Okay, okay, you caught me. This is a lie.

Rain and our local trails

Although Nebraska and Iowa offer adventure options a-plenty, these states are woefully inadequate when I feel like making like a dolphin and doing some ocean frolicking. So last week I crammed my trusty Osprey Aether 70 backpack full of snorkel gear (with an extra t-shirt for good measure), gathered the wife and kids, and headed off to Grand Cayman, a tiny island in the Caribbean about 180 miles south of Cuba, where I enjoyed some decent snorkeling, smooched a stingray, and R&Red like a pro.

Upon my return, I was surprised to find that my variegated irises had grown six inches, my autumn-blooming clematis had grown a foot or two, and my lawn was still green--all thanks to plenty of rainfall in Nebraska. This moisture was great for my plants, but bad for local trails.

So, for all of you Nebraska and Iowa mountain bikers and trail runners who are curious about trail conditions, I present to you the best resource I've found thus far, the Trails Have Our Respect web site. There (and on their blog), you can find current or near-current trail condition reports, information on trail maintenance day, and (insert pirate voice here) a treasure trove of trail maps. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. I just got back from Grand Cayman.

Omaha adventure racing

Adventure racing has long been relegated to the hinterlands and the faraway open spaces, where only the most intrepid of the adventurous would dare compete. For years, I've watched Eco-Challenge on television and lived vicariously through those athletes, never dreaming for a minute that I had what was required to compete in an week-long, expedition-style adventure race...alas, I adore my sleep (and my feet) too much. And I dislike leaches on my eyeballs.

Lucky for all, there are very few leaches on the streets of Omaha, which is where Adventure Omaha, The Ultimate Urban Adventure Race will be held this weekend. Rather than rappelling head-first through waterfalls and mountain biking instead of sleeping, racers will compete on one of two aptly named courses: the black course (a 4-6 hour race) or the blue course (a slightly friendlier 1-2 hour course).

I realize it's too late for anyone to prepare to race this weekend, but if you're interested in participating in future events, this might be a good time to head downtown, stroll around the Old Market, chow down at Taste of Omaha, check out the new pedestrian bridge (and its little water area for the kiddies), and see what this race is all about. And while you're at it, bring a cowbell and your loudest cheers. After four or five hours, the racers on the black course could use the moral support and encouragement.

June Bike Races

June is a great month to finally awaken your bicycle from its winter hibernation (if you haven't already done so months ago, like many diehard cyclists). Just venture into your overpacked garage and look around for the thing with the handlebar and wheels. There it is, right next to the miniature mechanical bull and the full-sized Han Solo cardboard cutout. Pull it out, dust it off, and take a seat (on the bicycle, not Han Solo). Feels good, doesnt' it?

For those of you looking for something more than recreational riding, there's a host of June bike races that will welcome first-timers and beginners with open, chain-greasy arms. The entry fees are usually nominal in the beginner's category, and there's much fun to be had. And sometimes free hot dogs to be eaten.

• Saturday, June 6th - The NorfolkClassic (road race), in Norfolk, Nebraska
• Sunday, June 7th - The Iowa Mountain Bike Championship Series race #4 (mountain bike race), in Ida Grove, Iowa
• Sunday, June 7th - Nebraska State Championship Criterium (criterium race) in Norfolk, Nebraska.
• Tuesday, June 9th - The Norfolk Race Series, Time Trial (time trial race) in Norfolk, Nebraska.
• Saturday, June 13th - Nebraska State Time Trial Championships (time trial race) in Yutan, Nebraska.
• Sunday, June 14th - The Maskentine Classic (mountain bike race) in Norfolk, Nebraska.
  Saturday, June 20th - Ponca's Revenge (mountain bike race) in Ponca, Nebraska.
• Sunday, June 21st - The Iowa Mountain Bike Championship Series race #5 (mountain bike race) in Des Moines, Iowa.
• Tuesday, June 23rd - The Norfolk Race Series, XC Mountain Bike (mountain bike race) in Norfolk, Nebraska.

Nebraska weekend getaway #476 - Tanking

Feel free to file this one under "only in Nebraska..."

Does the thought of doing Eskimo rolls in a kayak cause you to void your bladder just a bit? Canoes a little too tippy for you? Do you ever struggle to heft your bulk out of good old-fashioned inner tubes?

Well why don't you drain Ol' Bessie's livestock tank, load your family into the SUV, and float down a river? Some Nebraska outfitters are now running "river tanking" trips down the Cedar River and the Calamus River in western Nebraska. At first blush, this uniquely Midwestern method of navigating our great state's riverways seems both a) a little dangerous and b) a little boring, a juxtaposition not unlike lawn darts...or NASCAR.

For those of us without the proper equipment, the good folks at Get Tanked LLC have no problem setting your entire family afloat in the bovine equivalent of a tippy cup. One tank seats 4-6 adults (depending on the girth of you and yours) and will run you $63.30. Both life jackets and (admirably) trash bags are furnished by the outfitter on this 4.5 mile, 2 and a half hour (almost 3 hour) tour through Nebraska's famed and beloved sand hills.

After my marathon expedition last summer on Iowa's Des Moines river (a weekend jam-packed with hours upon hours upon hours upon days of spine-wrenching paddling), kicking back in a tank doesn't sound too bad.

For further reading, check out Calamus Outfitters, featuring the photography of native son Joel Sartore.