Thinking of doing a short triathlon? Do you lack a Y chromosome?

I have wished many, many times that I could somehow change the length of a project I’d gotten involved with—maybe pull up at mile 55 of a century bike ride, leave work at 2 pm rather than 5 pm, or stop hiking at the top of the mountain and, I don't know, take a helicopter or a water slide back down. It’s a novel and wonderful idea, and the women who enter (yes, only women are allowed to enter) the noncompetitive Methodist Health/UNO women’s triathlon on August 29th will get to experience that feeling.

First, participants will start with a short 100-yard swim in Wehrspann Lake (named after John Wehrspann, who, in 1912, became the first man to don a weighted vest and walk underwater from one end of the lake to the other, a feat known as "bottom shuffling" that was popular around the turn of the century in the Midwest¹). All manner of assistance is allowed, so feel free to don an old inner tube or bust out your water wings (although these could slow you down in the transition area).

Next comes the "choose your own adventure"² part of the triathlon, as racers decide whether they'll do a 2, 4, or 6-mile bike ride followed by a half-mile, one-mile, or 1.5-mile run through the rolling terrain of Chalco Hills.

The triathlon is intended to be an untimed, purely-for-fun event, so if you've never done a triathlon before, this would be a good opportunity to try the sport out. This is also a good opportunity for more experience competitors to practice their transitions while getting in a good workout. Proceeds go to a good cause (assisting the UNO women's swimming and diving team with traveling costs for the year).

If you’re interested, on-time registration (which is $18) ends tomorrow, although you can register late, right up until the day of the race for $30. Just print out this form and send it in.<sup>3

Footnote 1: This is a total lie.
Footnote 2: Does anyone else remember those books from the 80s? Do people still read/write them?
Footnote 3: Don't foget the envelope and stamp.</sup>